Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution helps our children’s social development - the way they develop relationships and deal with challenges. It teaches children empathy and decreases the chance that they will become violent adults.
Basic steps of conflict resolution:
Define the problem. “What is causing each side to be upset?”
Use “I messages” to communicate how you feel, which allows you to remain focused on the problem, not the person. “I am upset because you forgot to clean your room.”
Define the needs of each person. “I would like you to finish your homework before dinner, but I know you would like time to relax right after school.”
Brainstorm together and evaluate possible options for a resolution. “Plan how you will implement the solution”
Between Children & Siblings
o It’s often difficult for children to see things from another person’s perspective. Help your child see things from the other child’s point of view. [“If you had a toy first and
someone took it, how would YOU feel?”]
o Be patient. Children learn conflict resolution by doing, so give them time to try solving conflicts independently. Quietly sit near the children and listen to them discuss the conflict.
o Resist the urge to tell the children what to do, and offer choices instead of providing one solution. [“Instead of yelling, what if you each write a note to each other, or set a time to talk about this later.]
Between Parents & Children
o Listen to your child and help her label her feelings by asking “why” questions. [“Why did you get upset when I asked you to clean your room? Did you feel sad? Or angry?”]
o Acknowledge her feelings. [“I understand you’re angry about a curfew...”]
o Make sure to separate your child’s behaviours from your child. [“You are a great child, but when you threw that toy it was not good behaviour.”]
o Offer choices for a resolution and set clear rules for the future. [“Let’s talk about our options tonight. And next time, you know that you must ask me before going out with a friend.”]
Between Parents and Adults
o Take time to cool off. Ask for 5 minutes to collect your thoughts in another room.
o Children learn by example. Model conflict resolution for them! After you’ve had an argument, for example, talk to your children.
o Talk about conflict. Don’t ignore it. Be open with your feelings and teach your kids that it takes work to maintain relationships.
